In this article you will gain:
The ability to change how you feel instantly with only one question.
A way to understand and create choice within your behaviors using just ONE WORD.
The Question "why?"
...is a very tricky, and therefore dangerous question…”Why am I so unlucky?” “Why did she/he dump me?” Why do i keep fucking up?” “Why did i do that?” “Why doesn’t anyone call me to hang out?” “Why doesn’t she love me?” “Why am i scared?”
If you’re human then like me, you find yourself asking this question “Why?” often. Every time i asked i got another reason to affirm my situation... was a reflection of who i am. “Because i'm a fuck up.” “Because i'm selfish” “Because I don’t deserve that.” “Because i’m lame, nobody, a loser.” “Because I'm weak”
This spiral of negativity was being fueled by my own curiosity…my misdirected curiosity. Questions are a natural part of our everyday life. How was i supposed to know that i was drilling myself in the head with a dose of sorrow and suffering every third step i took?!
The results of this line of questioning were as follows:
mMmmm TV where people are successful and happy and have positive relationships with each other and challenge each other. “ahhh they are so lucky and wonderful, perhaps one day I will be too!…”
mMmmm marijuana, the sticky icky, and as much comedy as i can stay awake for so that I can laugh!
The gym! I should go work out because that is supposed to be helpful so they say right?
Trust people? Listen to their problems or share my own with them? They will just judge me or leave me. So i'll just stay alone, That is safer.
ONE DAY…maybe Tomorrow…things will change.
Enter…The Question "HOW?"
Consider the difference here…
“Why am I not enough?” Vs. “How am i not enough?”
Here is another…
“Why am I angry?” Vs. “How am I angry?”
You are feeling the difference here yes? What is the difference in your experience of those two questions? If we imagine “Why?” being like an anchor, then “How?” is the earthquake. It shakes apart identity from process. How does this impact our lives and our communication? Within this movement=choice becomes available. Change is NOW possible, opening us up to a new perspective, new behaviors, a totally new way of being!
Back to the Why though! Because it has a very useful ability too. “Why are you in love with him?” “Why do you want to share what you care about with me?” “Why are you enjoying reading this article?” =) Anchor in that which you actually wish to create more of.
So what have we become
“Why?” Cements in and makes the experience more real. It assigns reason, creating belief that our circumstances are more true.
“How?” pushes attention towards the process of our experience, which in turn “un-settles or un-grounds” our belief of what is true.
The words we say are the spells we cast.